I figure that if I mention the company name DHL courier service enough times in this post, it might just get a hit on one of the various search engines when some poor, unassuming, trusting soul is searching for a reliable way to get gifts to his or her family.
DHL should NEVER be used by anyone EVER AGAIN. Recent security, watch lists, federalis, and the sort make stating what I would really like to do to DHL a little risque but I will say that I would love to see them lose a little business. DHL refused, stole or damaged everything that I tried to send for Christmas to my Dad and his family.
I do a lot of traveling with work on the continents to the east of the Atlantic ocean and one of the great perks is my ability to pick up some pretty unique offerings from various countries. My Dad's Christmas box included chocolates from Belgium, fudge from Ireland, a small handmade knife from Finland, a 2010 calendar from the United Nations, a couple of small handmade jewelry boxes from Russia and a really incredible Cyrillic Russian Aviator watch. The box that my Dad received on December 31st (guaranteed pre-Christmas delivery) was not the same box that left my hands on December 18th and now had two opened and broken jewelry boxes, and an EMPTY watch box.... that's all.
I thought that DHL was going to be my saviour when, once again, I had procrastinated myself into a corner. As of Friday, December 18th, they could still guarantee pre-Christmas delivery from The Netherlands to Canada so I followed their online ordering process which included box dimensions, weight and contents. The contents were also clearly listed on two sides of the box when the pick-up dude came to my door to pick up the package a few hours later. For a mere €86, my Dad was going to receive a 10x10x2 inch box that weighed less than 3 pounds; what a deal!
Three days later, I received the first call from Bob of DHL customer service (oxymoron). I was more than a little surprised to find out that the package was still seven kilometres from my house and that they needed a little more information. There was an online invoice form for the contents that they needed. One very patient sigh and I sent it within an hour. Bob said that my parcel was still going to go out and would still make it to my Dad by the 24th but, by the way, "how long is the knife blade." It is a fixed blade less than 3 inches long... Bob said that this was fine.
Hours pass..... Bob called again and said that DHL would not transport the knife as it could be considered a weapon. I had actually read on the DHL website how to properly package a knife for shipping with their couriers and checked Canada Customs for any restrictions; there were none. Bob of DHL had nothing more to add. I said that if he was unable to help me, when could I expect my package to be returned to me so that I could find another way to get my Dad's gifts to him. Bob of DHL customer service fame then told me that I would have to come and retrieve it since there were CONTRABAND items contained within!
I will not attempt to bore with the ensuing conversations but it ended with me requesting the contact information of someone in DHL who was actually concerned about the loss of a little bit of business. Bob's response: "No."
Mine, "Pardon?"
Bob of DHL, may the fleas of a thousand camels thrive in your crotch and may your fingers turn into fishing hooks.
Chapter 2, remediation at the DHL warehouse in Den Haag. When I went to the DHL warehouse to retrieve the parcel, I asked to see a supervisor for an explanation as to why the parcel could not be sent with DHL and why it took them so long to figure it out. Simple requests, one would think. The DHL warehouse guy called down Antoine, a very good person for the customer complaint receiving position as he was soft-spoken and all too agreeable. The package had been opened and resealed, apparently in the presence of the sending customer (that's me). Hmmmmm.... I think I would have remembered that.
I don't know what the DHL Package Annihilators were looking for when they took a box cutter to my Dad's commercially packaged Belgian chocolates or what it is they can find by feel when they squish a box of Irish Fudge but, apparently they were satisfied because the watch, two jewelry boxes and the knife were all still in their Christmas wrap. Antoine found nothing in writing banning the small ornamental knife but said that "Security" said no. He did at that time tell me that he could send the remainder of the items by "DHL's fastest means possible", he would spank the crazy box-cutter wielding chocolate wrecker and my Dad would have the parcel by noon on the 28th; not Christmas but something, I guess.
So, in case you are wondering how a package travels from Den Haag, The Netherlands to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, wonder no more. A pigeon would have taken a more direct route, would have been there in less than thirteen days and would not have stolen my Dad's watch.
Wassenaar to Den Haag to Amsterdam to Brussels to Amsterdam (yes, again) to Leipzig (Germany) to Cincinnati to Hamilton to Windsor to Leamington. This makes it much easier for DHL to conduct a thorough theft investigation, I'm sure. But wait.... DHL can't start that investigation yet because they are closed for four days for New Year's; January 1st (only one day on my calendar, not four).
It seriously makes me ill to think of how my Dad must have felt to have finally received his Christmas gift, seen the beautiful wooden box and opened it to find only the manual and warranty card and no watch.
To the DHL employee who stole my Dad's watch; my greatest wish is for you to see each movement of the hand as one minute closer to Karmic retribution. You are the first person upon which I have sincerely wished a disastrous finale.