So, I have been corresponding with a clinical nutritionist in-training who sells vitamins. Obviously I was drunk last time I was filling out a survey on the internet and thought I would actually win a TV or an Escalade if I gave them my real phone number. I tried the usual dodges of saying that I was the nanny; Kim is wintering in Arizona, je ne comprend pas l’anglais. She was persistent and I am a worthless liar. And, what do you know, even though I live slightly to the left of the middle of butt-fuck nowhere; she lives a mere two hours away. Seriously, no one lives anywhere near me and the survey was on the World Wide Web. How does that even happen?
She is actually quite a nice lady and, came to my village for coffee. We evaluate my nutritional needs and what I would like to change. I would like the 15 (or so) pounds of fat that lives between my rib cage and my hips (hiding my six pack abs-of-steel) to go away and I don’t want to eat less or exercise more. Simple request; she is the expert.
This next little tidbit of information may be found disturbing to some readers. There is no pill for that, contrary to what the early morning infomercials have taught me.
Clinical Nutritionist In-training has asked me to email her what I eat and what I do for activity for four days so that she can better assess my needs. I am on Day 2 and have had the best dietary intake EVER, and I have been impressively active as well. I have found the answer….. wait for it…… ACCOUNTABILITY!
I can’t have Pizza Pockets for breakfast and a Caramel Machiatto for lunch if I have to tell somebody! A Clinical Nutritionist In-Training, no less. What would she think? Unfortunately, she is going to receive an incredibly inaccurate depiction of my former life and be completely unable to do anything for me. My suggestion will be that I continue to send her my daily sheets and she can continue evaluating them until she comes up with a plan….giggle.
And, I may even buy some vitamins.
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