This is the Microdrone....your eye in the Sky.
"Communicate. Collaborate. Control."
Everything I need. Except for the Communicate and Collaborate part. If someone out there could fund-raise or something for me, I would really appreciate it.
Last week I was put up by my employer at the Pan Pacific Hotel in Vancouver. It is an amazing, 5 star luxury hotel on the waterfront in downtown Vancouver. I have never stayed in a hotel quite like this one. Down pillows and duvets, immaculately dressed staff who treat the guests like royalty. The problem with all of this luxury and attention is that they treated me as though I was entitled and wealthy; which I am neither. And, I felt that I had to dress up to walk to the ice machine. Which was a bit of a drag. Totally not my style.
So, after my first evening of being treated like the princess that I have always strived to become, a totally bizarre transformation took place in the core of my psyche. I embraced the feeling of entitlement. Hell, my credit cards have been paid off for weeks now; I really am wealthy.
After my first night of sleeping on the clouds with angels playing harps in the air above me, I woke to a gorgeous man next to me in my king-sized bed telling me it's time to wake up to start my beautiful day. Well, it was actually the phone ringing with my wake up call. But, he had a really nice voice.
Now that I am feeling like I belong to a class of citizen that I have only seen in the tabloids, I come to the realization that I need new clothes. A person of my stature must shop at Holt Renfrew and, with my new scent of the Pan Pacific wafting out of my pores, I immediately attract a Personal Shopper named Gabrielle. This is true, I can't make this shit up!
I am embarrassed to admit to the delight and elation that I felt as I followed Gabby (we are close now, so I can call her Gabby) through the various designer alcoves as she whipped signature pieces off the racks without missing a long-legged stride. I felt like I was in a scene from The Devil Wears Prada. She showed me to a dressing room the size of a small bedroom just off the Gucci suite and asked me if I would like a bottled water; sparkling or flat. Apparently she knew that I was going to look at the price tags as soon as she closed the door and may need the water. If Gabby really knew me, she would have offered me wine.
Wow! Expensive clothes really do fit better. My advice to all of you....NEVER try them on!
As I strut out in my various ensembles; Gabby is practically applauding, the mirrors are obviously fixed and the personal tailor is standing by with her tape measures and pins. Now that I am totally playing the part, I float like a gazelle towards my dressing room, flip my hair over my shoulder and point to a rack; "Oh Gabby, would you be a dear and grab me that little red Prada jacket in my size?".
What the Fuck........over!
Princess Kimberly of Fruitvale has now taken over any remaining sanity and therefore any hope at escaping with my dignity intact. The only solution...... I'll just buy something and head for the nearest door whilst maintaining the facade.
So, I buy a beautiful $1200.00 red Prada rain jacket, flee to my hotel, try it on 18 times, have a totally fitful sleep in the bed that has now become the enemy, and, return the coat the next day with a huge sigh of relief.
I am, this week, contentedly lazing in a hotel room at the Holiday Inn where I am quite comfortable walking to the ice machine shoeless and braless. Right where I belong.
I don’t think that it’s important if or when I spend money or even how much is spent. What is important is that I am satisfied with what the money was spent on. Hit and miss, really. Sometimes, I can look at a purchase for years and revel in the warmth of realized opportunity and then there are the times that I would rather stick knives in my eyes than look at some horrific mistake that I can’t possibly get rid of because of the money I’ve spent on it.
Enter, stage left, the red gingham high heeled shoes.
Of course I didn’t buy these myself! Give your head a shake! I did, however indirectly, pay for them.
My daughter has just returned from Europe; school trip that I have been paying off for a
year. My parents sent me to Europe in my high school glory days and I still look
fondly at the pictures of my friends standing in front of various statues,
fountains, gardens and duomos. Taryn
forgot her brand new digital camera in the Jeep before she left. At this moment, beyond the lid of my laptop,
I can still appreciate the beautiful 8-piece decanter set made with Venetian
glass, hand painted and topped with 24 kt gold leaf that I purchased in
Taryn bought red gingham high-heeled shoes. My Little Baby Prostitute. I try to be a good parent. The first time I saw her making her way across the kitchen in denim Capri pants and a giraffe-like gait, I blew coffee out my nose. Told her that I was just choking for a second after I regained my composure and told her that she looked fabulous.
This morning I told her that I wanted to take some pictures of them. *giggle* She strutted, she posed and then her face darkened and she asked me suspiciously, “You’re not going to try to sell these on Ebay, are you?”
Oh no, My Sweet Princess, not a chance of that.
Salvador
$9.99 paid
aprox 4 months old
Jack
$89.99 paid
aprox. 6 months old now
As much as I can be happy for a friend getting a deal on something, it really blows that I didn't.
I bought Jack for the boy a couple of months ago and, was quite impressed with myself for talking the pet store reptile chick down from $109 to $89 on a creature that was 3 inches long and can be caught in the wild everywhere except Canada. Yup, I bartered so well on that one, I'm ready for a Tijuana shopping spree.
So, I tell my friend, Sue, what a great pet he is; way easier to take care of than the kids. She knows this, has an iguana, and is intrigued. A few days ago, while in a pet store placing a cricket order (for the iguana) she is browsing and sees the cute guy above, Sal, and inquires of the young reptile chick. Reptile Chick replies confidently, "that's a Salvador Salamander and he is $9.99". Sue is not one to immediately pounce on the obviously inept. She will, however, give them a couple of chances to either sink or swim. This one....like a rock.
Sue tells Reptile Chick that she thinks that this is, in reality, a Leopard Gecko and gives her the opportunity to price check. The expert proceeds to re-read the writing on the terrarium, turns to Sue and says, "Nope, that's a Salvador Salamander and it is $9.99". That's two... the panther is circling.
Sue asks Reptile Chick if there is someone else who she should run the price by. Reptile Chick announces to Sue that there is no one else who she needs to check with and, in fact, she knows her lizards. Critical error.
Sue got Sal for 10 bucks, her crickets and his current habitat for an extra $8.99. As happy as she is with her incredible deal, she is fully aware that she can never return to that store after they have completed their next inventory count and find they are short one Leopard Gecko and up a Salamander.
