What's Next?

"I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."

That line in The Devil Wears Prada did make me laugh, a lot, when I first saw the movie in 2006.  This past week, those famous words uttered by Emily Blunt have popped into my head quite a few times as I'm making small gagging noises each time my Russian hosts are serving a meal.  Something good has to come of this, right?

It's Saturday

Watch this.  I'm going to pretend like I have not been missing for (counting fingers) five months.

I would have had troubles justifying to my latest employer that I was unable to successfully prepare for whichever evaluation because I had to keep the world informed about, well, me.  The ending of that last sentence was going to say something deep about astute global observations and civilization-altering politics but we all know that there would be little accuracy in that.

In breaking news, I saw the new Star Trek Movie; on a DVD with Serbian sub-titles in my quasi-barrack prison-style room in Belgrade a couple of weeks ago.  Apparently, that may have been illegal by some copyright rules or something but, nonetheless I enjoyed it.  Star Trek; who would have thought.  When I later read something in entertainment news (the real news) praising Winona Ryder's return to the big screen, I had to immediately consult the all-knowing Google authorities to figure out what role she had played because I hadn't seen her.  Was my illegal Serbian copy a total fake shot in some Trekky computer geek's basement?  Did she play one of the cleverly disguised aliens that spent more time in the make-up chair than on the set?  No, she just got old!  She has very suddenly gone from the freaky girl who acted in the likes of Beetlejuice, Heathers and Edward Scissorhands to Spock's Mom!  I figure that this must have happened about the time that I woke up and found teenagers in my house that apparently belong to me.

In other news, Liam-the-fourteen-year-old boy left to visit family and friends in Canada for half of the summer.  I would like to thank Flight Aware, the online flight tracker, for saving some poor KLM employee from nine hours of harassing phone calls from a seemingly crazy parent asking if they were sure that KLM682 was still in the air.  Liam was unfortunate enough to have his first solo flight be a Trans-Atlantic so while I stressed just a little, he calmly prepared by watching past episodes of Lost to ensure that he knew how to survive on a deserted island.  That's my boy.  One day I would really like to get a good look at the pathways in that brain.

Next step, I have to re-learn how to change my banner picture.  It seems that not everyone is as fond of the Snowbabies as I am; you know who you are.

It's a Whole New World

A week ago, I found myself in a position that I had not been in since the late 80's.  Picture this if you will, I was sitting on an air mattress with my legs splayed on either side of my camera hard case, typing on my laptop while watching part of the ceremonies of the presidential inauguration week.  The last time I did that, I was typing a term paper on a typewriter and watching Bruce Springsteen on MTV rather than seeing an older version of The Boss sharing the stage with the president elect and one big-ass choir.  He still totally rocks even if he sounds a little more like Bob Dylan than the younger version of himself.  Move your lips, man; you look like you're in pain.

I can't help but think that, with all of the celebrity endorsements going on, it seemed more like the MTV Music Awards then a Presidential Inauguration.  I'm a little embarrassed for them.

My most recent move had found me in that literal position.  I have made the move to one of the satellite communities of Den Haag and my furniture has taken the long, scenic route via Singapore (of course, where else would it go).  I'm not sure how that even happens but I should expect to have a chair around the third or fourth week of February.

However, nowhere else could you get this for under 5 Euros:

And this is less than a block from my house:

I have done soooo many stupid things since I got here!  What I really need is someone to watch everything I do for a couple of months to make sure that I don't hurt myself.

If I had such a resource, I wouldn't have to do things like take photographs of all of the outlets in the house so that the electronics shop guy could show me where to plug in the phone.  I still don't have it working, no idea why since the troubleshooting guide is in Dutch.  Also, it would be super-cool if someone could tell me what all of the extra buttons are for on the washing machine.

Today's adventure will include renting a vehicle and driving to Ikea....

Winter Break

Well, once I have been ragged on by more than two people, it is time to start writing again (visualize me cracking my knuckles and looking really inspired).  Obviously you people have no understanding of the hell that defines my life right now.

I am currently sitting in an airport pub in Portland, Oregon watching my final flight home delay even more while sipping a glass of merlot.  The merlot is the pub's by-the-glass house wine and it is not totally offensive except for the dry, floating cork pieces in the glass.  I didn't even ask what it was if that is any indication of how my week has been.

I have just spent the past week in Orlando, Florida doing the Disney thing with my Mom, the two offspring and the boyfriend of the older offspring (now Ex-boyfriend, I guess... thank you, Facebook, for that update).  As much as I love to do the whole "family get-together" thing, we seriously need to go somewhere else from now on.  Unless, of course, the goal here is to drive me totally insane... hold on, I just felt a twitch.

You see, I hate crowds.  I strongly dislike people pushing me through line-ups to get on to mindless amusement park rides that I have paid hundreds of dollars to go on.  Wait, there must be more.  Let's not overlook the overt commercialism, poorly trained children (generally not mine), flight delays, rude "customer service" representatives (Sony and American Airlines; expect my letters) and crazy drivers (yes, okay when I do it because I am a trained professional).

Normally, I am able to tolerate all of this in the spirit of the holidays and family and Mickey Mouse and all of that shit but, this year the Gods of Insanity have thrown in an extra bowling pin; I accepted a job offer on another continent on December 9th to start on January 12th.  Do the math; seemingly impossible.

Of the four weeks that I had available to change my entire life, I spent two weeks of it working and a week of it at Disney World.  When I do eventually get home tonight (hopefully), I will have exactly two days to prepare for the movers, one day to clean the house and get a haircut before I leave the country in just enough time to suffer jet lag on the first day of my new life.  I challenge any of you to beat that planning.

I admit that I am, historically, a procrastinator.  I had no idea that this seemingly subtle part of my personality was, well, not so subtle until The Boy told me that I would have accomplished no more than I have, even if I had been given six months notice.  Don't you have an X Box game to play instead of analyzing my personality disorder, Ass?  This time would have been different!  I would have carefully planned my move around timely renovations and orderly life-changing-like manoeuvres.

But, I enjoyed myself; here's proof:

That big round thing on my waist is a button that the kids made me wear saying that it was my birthday.  The Disney staff are apparently mandated to wish one a Happy Birthday if you are wearing the official button.  I did the full body startle every time I heard some stranger emphatically wish me, personally, a Happy Birthday!

But, there is always good news..... I was just asked to produce ID for my glass of wine.  That just never gets old!

The laptop battery is showing an exclamation mark and I should likely stumble on down to my gate in case there is an airplane there, so.... more to follow.

Tunes

Hailing from Brisbane, Australia.... twins.

'Tis the Season

So.....how do you like the new banner?  I would be willing to bet that you never thought that Snowbabies could look like they are about to surround you and Zombie-attack you.  Photoshop is the best!  Snowbabies; made by my Mom.

Today I managed to put up the tree, put together a donation box of seasonal decorations that I can't believe I ever put out, reload a new Blackberry and organize camping gear (don't ask).  All this and more because I have a paper due.

And, I made this:

Kind of made it or put it together anyway.

On another note, it is my beautiful girl's eighteenth birthday today.  She is now able to vote although she is three months too late and she is able to legally consume alcohol in some provinces though not the one she has chosen to live in.  I am sure that she is, at this moment, sitting in the living room sipping tea and wishing that she was living in Alberta so she could be partying in the bar.

This one's for you, Baby!

Don't cringe too much, this ad paid a fair contribution to your RESP.

The Greatest Mail Day Ever

Friday, I received this amazing bracelet in the mail from my second favourite Mom in the whole world, Maddonart. 

I had heard rumours of these fabulous bracelets but I only dreamt of having one of my own.  There are unique handmade images on each tile but these are some of my faves.  The harp is my favourite instrument and even though I have never played one, it's on the list.  A butterfly has always signified change, freedom and escapism and, of course, I love nudity (as do some of my neighbours).

On my wrist, this bracelet is more distracting than my Blackberry.  Unfortunate for the old guy who was crossing the road while I was driving home from the post office.  No worries, he just had to move a little faster than he has in thirty years and maybe next time he won't treat those white lines on the road like something he's entitled to.

Thanks for the great bracelet!  I love it!

I Know.... Finally...

BEFORE

This is the previous owner's decorating, not mine.  That hopefully didn't need to be said but, just in case.

DURING

I recall this as the splinter and asbestos era.

AFTER

I only broke one fingernail but I did at one point burn the top layer of skin off both of my hands.  Acceptable sacrifice.

It's Like He Knows Me

My Dad sent this to me on email today.  My ensuing maniacal laughter would have fast tracked me to some room with soothing colours had there been witnesses.  Therefore, I had to share.

Excuse the profanity, if you must.

I Love My Friends

I am on Facebook.  Love it, hate it, be fundamentally opposed to it, your choice.  Here is what makes it all worthwhile:

Friends Updates:

V.B. wonders how voters in California & Florida can vote yes to hope & Obama and then yes to proposition 8 & amendment 2.

and immediately following:

J.C. has killed a fly and now can sleep in silence. . . Good night :D 

You have to appreciate the diversity.  I love my friends!