1. Conversation with a sixteen-year-old boy:
Him, “Did you see that lady in the jean jacket?”
Me, “Sure. I think she’s a little off.”
Him, “Honestly, Mom, crazy people really freak me out. You never know what they are going to do. They could, like, rip their eyeball out and throw it at you. Or, worse, they could drill their thumbs into your eyeballs, which would hurt even more.”
That conversation happened less than three minutes following a discussion on university programs.
2. Conversation with the sixteen-year-old boy and his twenty-year-old sister, over lunch:
Her, “I will be getting an A for my forensic psychology final. One of the questions was referring to a difficult circumstance surrounding an interview with a recovered Child Soldier.”
Him, “We should get a cat.”
Her, “I love your A.D.D.”
Him, “Not A.D.D. I thought about how the Child Soldiers were drugged to get them to cooperate and then I remembered how we drugged our cats, funny, and then I thought that we should get a cat again.”
Her, “It was cat nip."
Him, "Not like we had her wrapping her lips around a hookah.”
Her, “Cats don’t have lips.... right?”
3. Mid-meal revelation by the boy:
Him, “Did you know that you can get fart-blocking underwear??”
Him, “They have charcoal built into them for filtration.”
Me, “That would block the smell, not the sound.”
Him, “Of course. Some guy invented them because his wife farted too much.”
Other memorable conversations included the future of hairlines, the fact that my eyes look Asian when I smile (observation from the boy), which countries give sucky haircuts and the amazing Spanx.
Always worth the price of admission.