What's Next?

Live from Carnegie Hall.....

I'm in the Wrong Business

In case you are wondering how much money it would cost you to have a specialized crew called out to an unnamed airport in Northern British Columbia at 1:00 am on a Sunday morning to de-ice your LearJet; that would be $55,000.00.

That's right.

Cornell Called

That's right, I'm important.

Cornell University, Department of Ornithology got back to me.  They identified the freeloader in my Mountain Ash as a Bohemian Waxwing.  Which, as far as I can tell, looks exactly  like the Cedar Waxwing that was suggested by a few of you.

The email (they didn't really call) stated that the writer was indeed jealous that I had this amazing specimen in my yard.  And, what a brilliant picture.  That's right, stroke my fragile ego; make me feel that I have a gift for capturing the images of rare Aves and, then comes the punch line:

If I found this information useful, I could consider joining the Friends of the Cornell University Department of Ornithology; for a small annual fee.

Financial Markets

Stop laughing.

On the news this morning, there was a lot of talk about an upcoming recession.  I think it's because Lululemon's stock has dropped by 8%.  I may need more information.

The True Test of a Person

I remember at one time in my life, being told or, perhaps, reading somewhere that one can always tell the true nature of a person by watching how he or she treats customer service representatives.

I do believe this to be true.  What better way for an unsavoury character to show his true colours than to watch his behaviour in a restaurant?  The unfortunate side effect of this revelation is that I have to be embarrassed by said behaviour.  Fortunately, this example was not a date but merely a quick dinner with a small group of work acquaintances.

Following are the incidents on which I have based my judgement; for those who are sitting on the edges of their seats.

1. Wore his baseball cap through his entire meal.  Most children know this rule; how is it that a grown man apparently does not?
2. Did not make eye contact with the server.  That's right, ample boobage.
3. NEVER said "please" or "thank you".  In fact, uttered things like, "Sure", "Bring it now", "Here, take this."  Do you know that she can do nasty things to your food?  Did you not see the movie Waiting?  Bitchy patron gets pubic hair in her mashed potatoes?  Sound familiar?
4. Told the rest of us that she was obviously new and had "screwed up one for one, so far."

This poor young waitress smiled through our entire visit.  I said "thanks" and "sorry" probably way more than was required but; I mention the work thing because we were on shift and in uniform and, in my opinion, representing our employer and our profession.  I was not only embarrassed as a human being but also as a paramedic.  She's going to assume that we are all asses.  I certainly don't mind being thought an ass on most days, hell, I've often worked hard to earn it but, I'm not fond of the ass-by-association epithet.

Yes, I am a little over two hours into shift over-run as I type this but, that has nothing to do with my attitude.  I promise not to press the Publish button until later.  (Way out of Internet range right now).

..... A couple of weeks later and all things considered, it's going to the net.

2008

A little late, I know.

I don't do resolutions.  I believe that it just sets me up for certain failure.  If there is some thing that I have been unable to do effectively for the last 40 years, I would be an idiot to think that the changing of a year is going to grant me some super-power.

So, instead of discussing what I can change, which I have decided is an exercise in futility, I am going to list what I think other people should and should not change.

Please Never Change

1. Dentyne Ice Gum
2. Starbucks - well, feel free to diversify a little more.
3. Red Wine
4. My Friends' tolerance and sense of humour.
5. My Children's abilities to cope and grow despite my greatest efforts.
6. Nikon D40 Cameras

Must Be Changed by Somebody Else

1. Air Canada's customer service - can you say "oxymoron".
2. Cancer
3. CSI - Miami's lead "actor", David Caruso
4. Breast Implants - they're setting the bar just a little high, either get rid of them or give me the money to get some.
5. Avocados

That was way easier.

A Boy and His Dog: A Conversation

"Phoenix, sit."

Phoenix sits.

"Phoenix, shake a paw."

Phoenix happily flops her paw into Liam's hand.

"Phoenix, let's see how long you can keep it here."

"The safety word is Banana."

Me, "What??"

Note to self:  buy Net Nanny and have TV cable disconnected.

Guess this Bird

Seriously, I don't know what it is.  I'm waiting to hear back from Cornell University.  I'm sure I'm really high on their priority list.

"Hi, this is Kim.... there's this bird in my tree...."  Went well.