Confessions of the Non-Fiction Reader, Part 1

Hello.  My name is Kim and I have not read any of the Harry Potter books.

Pause to allow for the cries and gasps to subside.

I am not the anti-Potter or anything that dramatic.  I have appropriately funded the empire of J. K. Rowling by purchasing, at full price, all of the books for the children, we have seen the movies and we own the videos DVDs.

Taryn-the-16-year-old-girl has just finished The Last Book.  I, quite mistakenly, thought that it was perfectly reasonable to ask her how it ended; who died, who converted to The Dark Side (oops, wrong literary empire), who fell in love.  The usual.

"Mom, I can't tell you that.  You haven't even read any of the books."

"But, I've bought them.  And, I've seen the movies."

"You're still like three books behind."

"I can just look it up on the internet you know.  I don't need you to tell me."

"I guess you'll have to do that then."

Tramp.  Give me my book back.  There must be a spot on the bookshelf somewhere between the unopened books of Grimm and Homer.