Close the Coffee Shop early! What the hell are you thinking? I can't elaborate right now, I need a moment.
Close the Coffee Shop early! What the hell are you thinking? I can't elaborate right now, I need a moment.
Leave your pager on, locked in your locker when you go away for a week. By time I have listened to that sporadic chirp for another 12 hours, I will most likely be able to rip through the locker door with my finger nails. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about Chinese Water Torture tonight.
Drive 75 in an 80 zone. And, somehow I always think that if I get my front bumper within 18 inches of your ass, you will speed up out of fear. Your hands will get clammy as you look in your rear view mirror and see the grill of my Jeep turning into an angry, evil grin just like in Christine. Classic movie.
Just because you planned a buffer into your day doesn't mean the rest of us did. Seriously.
Brake, swerve, brake, swerve, brake, swerve............the only thing worse than avoiding taxis when I am driving is actually having to ride in one.
When The Ex phones, tell him everything I have done (yes, I did put the recycling out), everything I have bought, everywhere I have been. It's like having a short spy amidst the ranks of my serene family. Don't make me remind you that I'm the one who selects your clothes! again....
Cross over the invisible barrier created by the arm rest in an aircraft. It's there for a reason. Respect it.
Phone from Nigeria and tell my son to remind me that tomorrow is recycling pick-up day. You Stupid Meddling Ass! You left the whole "family responsibility" thing two years ago; let it go.
Let your stupid little dog wander the village peeing on everything; my Jeep, my motorbike, the basketball, my dog's leg. I intentionally bought female dogs so that I would not have to deal with that (and humping). One day you will find your dog and his continually leaking penis floating down the Columbia River.
